Good morning, how are you?

"...I'm Dr. Worm." -- TMBG

I have done very little but sit on my butt all day.

Yesterday I made a huge long car ride, played with a picture frame, watched part of a terrible movie, snuggled, and fell asleep.

I've been thinking: if you don't read Wil Wheaton's blog, you should. Of course, bajillions of people do, and about one person reads mine... but here's a link: http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/wwdnbackup/
And it's good.

Potential Poetry

[Untitled 1]
Can't sleep;
the cold scent
of my lover
still haunts
the sheets

[Untitled 2]
Listening to
Radiohead and
Morrissey and the
Strokes.
Ohsointrospective.

[Untitled 3]
Etching my confession
of love
into the paint of a
bathroom stall

Self-examination

So, today, I got done with my daily shower and looked at my partially-clad self in the mirror. I thought, "Man, I wish I could start new things before finishing the old ones."

I decided I could write a long, introspective, deep, intellectual blog post about that thought. And then I thought that no matter how many other things I could think of that I wish I could start anew before finishing an old attempt, I would always look back on the post and remember that that thought entered my head because I bought a stick of deodorant I am really excited about, but my old deodorant isn't empty yet.

[Untitled]

To get away from you,
I head to the bathroom.
I think to myself, I am quirky,
as I look down at my matching socks and underpants,
both pink, like the bathroom floor.
Spots of anger flame on my cheeks
And I'm too stubborn to come crawling back this time
And I hope I don't do anything stupid
And I think, more and more, that I wouldn't love you if I had the choice
And I think, more and more
And I think, more and more
And I conclude that you're right.
You don't deserve me.

Wasting Time (as per usual)

Listening to: Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin'
Movie: I'm Not There. Is there anywhere acting finer than in this film? Is it one of the most beautiful I've ever seen on the big screen? Yes. Yes indeed.
Food: Nothing. My stomach is rumble-empty.
Book: Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin. Of this, I am a fan. Wow. Vaguely reminiscent of Catcher in the Rye... except I think Holden is a bit less of a douchebag than David is. Holden just has no direction; David actively (albeit unconsciously) ruins people.

Spring is a time of year during which I cannot breathe. If I owned the world, I would make everyone else walk around trying to breathe through straws. Also, if I owned the world, smokers would be shot for making my respirations more difficult.

Fun Fact About College: I had three weeks to prepare for a presentation I put together last night and gave today. Basically I stood in front of my class for three minutes and talked about Rush... for Greek Mythology.

"To write poetry is not to be a poet. To live poetry, to constantly breathe and feel and excrete it - that is to be a poet." -- Hannah Kane

Music Sweet Music

I've ripped three albums (my dad's CDs) onto my computer this morning:
Devo - Oh No, It's Devo!
the Rolling Stones - Hot Rocks 1964-1971
Everlast - Whitey Ford Sings the Blues
...I think these are the three most different artists ever. Well, at least, three of them. And that's why I love my taste in music.

...also I think I might have multiple personality disorder. That's what it's called when you're perfectly fine one moment, a total superbitch the next, and then perfectly fine again, right?

An Attempt to Understand a Current Pop Song's Appeal
Annotated are places where my comments come in. The comments are listed numerically at the bottom of the note.

Its poppin (x4)
What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know [1]

They say my lip gloss is cool
My lip gloss be poppin [2]
I'm standing at my locker
And all the boys keep stoppin

What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know

They say my lip gloss is poppin
My lip gloss is cool
All the boys be jockin [3]
They chase me after school

Mac Mac, Loreal [3.5] yep cause I'm worth it
Love the way I puts it on so perfect
Wipe the corners of my mouth so I work it
When I walk down the hallway they cant say nothin
Oh oh oh my lips so luscious
The way I spice it up with the Mac Mac brushes
Loreal got them most watermelon crushes
That's probably the reason all these boys got crushes [4]

What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know [5]

They say my lip gloss is cool
My lip gloss be poppin
I'm standing at my locker
And all the boys keep stoppin

What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know

They say my lip gloss is poppin
My lip gloss is cool
All the boys keep jockin
They chase me after school
When its time for lunch my lips still rock
Lil mama melon with the hot pink top
Cherry, vanilla, flavors its a virtue
They, lovin, lip gloss universal
The boys really like it
The girls don't speak
They rolling they eyes
They lip gloss cheap
It ain't my fault
But I could upgrade you
Show you how to use nice things with nice flavors

What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know [6]

They say my lip gloss is cool
My lip gloss be poppin
I'm standing at my locker
And all the boys keep stoppin
What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know
They say my lip gloss is poppin
My lip gloss is cool
All the boys keep jockin
They chase me after school

Cause myyyyyy
Lip glosssss
Its poppin (x4)
Cause myyyyyy
Lip glosssss
Its poppin (x4)

No Music [Clap x4]

Oh, Who you know spit it hard to a hand clap
She ain't whack
So I tell a corny n***a hand dat
To a record label while I get my hair wrapped
Then I let it fall under my New York Yankee cap
Anybody that know better
That got chedda
Bet go getta
Cuz ya already know I'm where its at
And if Im rollin Im ridin
I got my homies beside me
I tell Ben drop me off he like
Where its at
I gets it poppin
Im droppin
Ya'll know I dont play
And know my swag is official to what my flow say
And any club that's poppin my record gon play
Rest in peace to Haze and Lil Zay Zay

No Music [Clap x4]

Sittin in 8th period thought I was in trouble
Dean called me on the loud speaker on the double
I stepped in her office like yes, Ms McClarkson
She like girl ran out of my lip gloss andwrite down where you get yours from
Cause I must admit that bubblegum
Its poppin Its poppin Its poppin
She ain't frontin and uh
I be lovin it
I be I be lovin itand uh I be usin it I be I be usin it
and uh I be rubbin it I be I be rubbin it
On my lips my lips, uh my lip gloss

What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know

They say my lip gloss is cool
My lip gloss be poppin
I'm standing at my locker
And all the boys keep stoppin

What you know bout me
What you what you know bout me
What you know bout me
What you what you know [7]

They say my lip gloss is poppin
My lip gloss is cool
All the boys keep jockin
They chase me after school

My Comments:
1. So far, I don’t know anything about you, except that you have awful, awful conceptions of grammar.
2. Ouch! Girlfriend, that sounds P-A-I-N-F-U-L.
3. Jockin? Do we perhaps mean jockeying? Or simply being jocks?
3.5. Loreal makes lip glos? Man, I am out of touch with the middle school world.
4. Hmm… boys have scary obsessions with lip gloss wherever Li’l Mama or whatever her name is, is from.
5. Well, now we know that you have, to some degree, a screwed-up self-image. In one verse you discuss how you’re “worth it” and then in the next breath think boys like you only for your lip gloss. We’ll see how this pans out.
6. …you need a new hobby. That’s what I know now.
7. I know that you need to work on concision. Repetition is only effective up to a point, and you assraped that point with a giant tube of lip gloss.

"I can be myself, how 'bout you?"

Song: Fire Escape
Artist: Fastball

Well I don't wanna be President
Superman or Clark Kent
I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes

'Cause I don't know who's side I'm on
I don't know my right from wrong
I don't know where I'm going to
I don't know about you

I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape
And I may not be the man you want me to
I can be myself, how 'bout you?

I don't wanna make you mad
I don't wanna meet your dad
I don't wanna be your dream come true

'Cause I don't know just what I've found
I don't know my sky from ground
I don't know where I'm going to
I don't know about you

I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape
And I may not be the man you want me to
I can be myself, how 'bout you?

I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape
And I may not be the man you want me to
I can be myself, how 'bout you?
I can be myself, how 'bout you?
I can be myself
How 'bout you?

Dead.

So my computer is dead.
It's on its way to Texas to get fixed.
...it's not really dead, just in need of some hardware repair - the screen kept freaking out.
So here we are.
Computers are going to need to be borrowed, so...
...expect less frequent checks and updates and fun stuff like that.

Dependable.

A few things for today:
http://www.nipponcinema.com/images/screencap/after_life9.jpg

Song: Metal Heart
Artist: Garbage
Least sucky fanvid I could find: http://youtube.com/watch?v=y_olqevPK3Y

I wish I had a metal heart
I could cross the line
I wish that I was half as good
As you think I am

But now that we know for sure they're telling lies when they say
No one gets hurt and therefore nobody dies
You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear
They say the world is round

Wish I was as big as you
You'd have to tell the truth
I'd be nothing you could hurt
Nothing you could use

But now that we know for sure they're telling lies when they say
No one gets hurt and therefore nobody dies
You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear
They say the world is round
The world is round?

I want to be dependable, I want to be courageous and good
I want to be faithful so that I can be heroic and true
I want to be a friend you can rely on you can lean on and trust
I want to understand so I can forgive and be willing to love

I wish I wasn't flesh and blood
I would not be scared
Of bullets built with me in mind
For then I could be saved
My sweet lord take care of me for I think I'm done
Kiss my mother on her cheek and lay my burden down

But now that we know for sure they're telling lies when they say
No one gets hurt and therefore nobody dies
You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear
They say the world is round
The world is round

There's a purr of a pigeon to break the still of day.

Title quote from "Of Angels and Angles" by the Decemberists.
Colin Meloy is probably God.

Fact: I am eating ramen out of a plastic cup from a fast-food place.
...with a fork pilfered from the dining hall.

Fact: I have a shitload - yep, a shitload - of reading to do for next week. I'm almost done with the reading I should have had done yesterday...

Fact: The weather is awful. Well, not anymore... the weather was awful a few days ago. Now the bus stops are encrusted with ice (still), the roads are sandy slush (because for some reason they didn't put salt down...) and everything is still slick.
Sub-fact: This made the bus late, which made me late. I hate being late.

Fact: Karl Rove is coming to town to speak. Anyone who wants to help me boo him offstage and possibly throw feces, be sure to look it up and get over there.

Mad World

My roommate has bronchitis. She had to go to the hospital the day before yesterday after nearly fainting in the next building over... they called an ambulance because she couldn't walk and none of us have cars. One ambulance ride later, she was in the ER with a fluid IV - she was dehydrated. Ben and I took the Red Route over to the hospital and waited for a very long time while Steve Irwin talked about bird-eating spiders on TV and I attempted to read my assignments for today (which still aren't read...)

Meanwhile, Shawn went to Student Health and waited around for an appointment. His chest had been hurting him. After awhile, he saw a doctor and was informed that his lung had partially collapsed. Now Shawn had to walk to the hospital - where the rest of the gang was gathered - for x-rays, in some seriously chilly weather. It's slippery and wet outside; here's Shawn, trudging through the snow, getting lost because Student Health and the hospital are on the opposite side of the river from where we live.

Enter Peter, who comes to the rescue like a knight in shining armour. Jess is still weak, and we don't know when the next bus comes anyway. She needs Motrin, Tylenol, soup, and fruit juice... but the bus doesn't go to the store and she probably shouldn't be shopping with us, anyway.

Jess finally heals, to a degree. She's not going to class for the rest of the week. Shawn's collapsed alveoli did not prevent him from going to any classes, though he is on codeine, lucky bastard.

Guy Forsyth - Long Long Time

Its been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
Its been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time

When I was a kid I used to draw airplanes with stars and bars shooting down,
Airplanes adorned with hammers and sickles.
I bought a hundred water guns so I could save the world,
Saving my lunch money, and stealing my father’s quarters, dimes and nickels.
I discovered religion watching Luke Skywalker rescue Princess Leia
And destroying the Death Star by letting go and closing his eyes.
And I devoured comic books, three-color mythologies
Taught me right from wrong and if you believed, you could fly.

It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time

I remember listening to songs about trains and feeling the rush of wonder
That the world was both infinite and accessible all at the same time.
Then it was songs about highways, and Born To Be Wild and Little Red Corvette
And the road went on forever in my mind.
But now it's clogged bumper-to-bumper with stinking SUVs and two-story pickup trucks
That can drive over anything but the two-story pickup truck right in front of it.
Now even the highways look the same, Starbucks
And 7-11s and Wal-Marts jam the feeder roads.
We don’t live around this mess, we live under it.

It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
Since I felt fine

Now all the songs are about gangsters and guns
And the TV speeds by at a hundred deaths an hour
And everyone wants to pull off the crime of the century.
Steal 200 gazillion dollars, enough to buy myself island
And build a real honest-to-God train on it for no one but me.
And get away with it, get away with it.
We Americans are freedom-loving people and
Nothing says freedom like getting away with it.
We went from Billy The Kid to Richard Nixon, Enron, Exxon, OJ Simpson.
We used to dream about heroes but now it's just how to beat the system.
So where do we go to dream now?
Up on the roof of the projects, straining through the city lights
To see if they’ve built golden arches on the moon yet.
Self-medicated, half-sedated, trying our best to stay distracted,
Living life according to the TV set.
Corporations owning nations, telling us don’t change the station,
It’s the only safe way to win the human race.
I wonder how the world sees us, rich beyond compare, powerful without equal?
A spoiled 15 year old waving a gun in their face?

It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
It's been a long, long , long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time
Since I felt fine.

Resolute.

This year...
I'm going to be less of a slut.
In fact, I'm going to not be a slut at all. Score.
I'm going to be less of a douchebag and start treating others like they want
deserve
to be treated.
I'm done biting my fingernails. Starting right now.
I'm going to wear my retainer, dammit.
I'm also going to study and get better than B's.
Self-delusion is out the window.
The drama queen shit is also gone.
No more destroying what's good in my life just to have something happen.
Also, no more stupid risks.

[Poetry is truly the only way to express one's new year's resolutions.]

Things I've Done So Far This Year

Made a resolution to be less of a freaky psycho asshole jerk lady.
Fallen asleep at Andrew's house with a kitty on my tummy. Awwww.
Gotten a ride home from Dan.
Slept.
Facebooked.
Deleted text messages off my phone.
Drank Diet Coke.